This was a question I received via email from a very nice young woman. It was more detailed, the title is her letter summed up, so a detailed letter deserves a detailed answer. First of all someone better is not going to show up. Men are thirsty for a reason, generally speaking, it’s because the struggle is real out there for them, to find a mate. Not literal fight to the death like it is for elks or whatever, but it’s not like women just fall in their laps.
When men do find another woman willing to be with them when they are already partnered, she’s usually not ‘better’ than the wife or girlfriend. Not better looking, not smarter, not in better shape, etc…on the contrary more often than not she’s dumpy or average/regular-looking. If she does look great or is very attractive then off the rip she probably didn’t know he already had somebody, or is trying to scam him or get money from him in some way. Wealthy men get approached by gorgeous women like this frequently.
Anyway, I’ve read that for most cheating men, it’s not about the wife or girlfriend and how she looks or what she does, they say it’s about how the other woman makes them feel. Men like this are very immature because they place their emotional stability onto another person, and choose to turn to an outside person when there is conflict or issues in their relationship. A mature man knows to end a relationship outright (rather than blow it up by cheating) before starting a relationship with someone else. A decent, mature man also knows it’s not right to expose their spouse or partner to someone else’s bodily fluids without their knowledge or consent.
So asses your dude. Is he reasonable? Do you two have good communication, are you able to talk through your problems? Does he show jealous tendencies or in other ways exhibits a lack of trust in you? How does he treat his friends and family, have you seen or heard him backstab other people close to him? People who don’t cheat tend to abide by their own moral code and sense of personal responsibility and accountability…character is evident in other areas of life besides sexual. Same thing with people who DO cheat or are willing to; their lack of moral fiber will show in other areas of their lives.
Then assess yourself. If your man has given you no reason to feel uneasy about his faithfulness in the relationship, you must be honest with yourself about your own character and ability to remain faithful. You’re projecting for a reason. Would *you* go off and cheat if a ‘better’ man came along? Do you think you’re incapable or unwilling not to hop on any random d!ck attached to a dude that seems better than your man? No? Then why do you think he would just hotstick any random woman who seems ‘better’ than you? Really sit down and think about why you feel his character is so low.
Maybe it is, in which case you’d be better off ditching the dirty dog, but probably it’s not, and the problem is you. In which case therapy could really help you to bolster your self-esteem and sense of self. When you’re secure in yourself, you can trust yourself not only to do the right thing but also trust yourself to be able to deal with other people acting up. A big part of jealousy and insecurity in a relationship is fear and avoidance of how you would feel if your partner did cheat. When you’re secure in yourself, you know you can trust yourself to recover and get on with your life.