I had a conversation recently with someone who was very hurt that their mother did not show love to them like they wanted. This is something hard to talk about with most people and hard to understand unless you experience it. I told this young lady that I understood and agreed with what she was saying, but I also feel that love can’t be forced. If your parents don’t love you, that’s not your fault but isn’t really their fault either. So many people are pressured into having children or more children or pressure themselves, or maybe the feeling of love for you just never comes to them. And sometimes the love is there, but for whatever reason they can’t or won’t show it to you. You can tell by other actions though.
My mother was/is like that with me and it really had me messed up for a long time. Most of my life I’ve felt such a longing to connect with my mother and baffled by her seeming indifference to me. I’ve made my peace with it because she did her duty by me and she loved me in her own way and *tried* to show me love like she did with my siblings. She sometimes made the effort to show emotional caring and concern for me. She did do the grunt work/scut work of caring for me which is a big, big, very big deal. I was much closer to my father emotionally because he made me feel he liked me, loved me, and valued me as his child, but he barely did any of the work of childcare! It was my mother who took care of me whenever I was sick and took me to the doctor and dentist for regular checkups. It was my mother who made sure I was fed, did laundry, most of the school stuff. Anytime I was hurt, it was my mother who tended to my wounds and put on bandaids and stuff. Even as a teen, when both of my parents barely talked to me, a few times my mother sat with me and listened to my teenage angst.
So I’ve had to take a long hard look at myself when in pain about my mother. Learning to appreciate what she did do was very healing and cathartic for me, and it took much of the focus off of what she didn’t do. If you are in pain regarding either parent or both, I hope this helps.